Why I'm sick today

Today represents the culmination of a series of events that started over a month ago! I feel absolutely terrible. I have a headache that won't go away. Stiffness in the neck and shoulders. Occasional bouts of vertigo and a general feeling of being ill at ease. In short, I am unwell.

I met with my physician at the end of May. At that time, he approved another 3 month prescription of my medication that I've been taking for anxiety and depression for the past 5 years. I know I've written about it before, but it really has been a major factor in improving my overall quality of life.

That prescription was submitted to the insurance company we switched to at the beginning of the year; Aetna. Within a week, I checked on the status and found that it had been cancelled. Since this wasn't the first change in insurance carriers in the past few years, I figured this was the typical, "we need a pre-authorization" routine.

I contacted my doctor's office and had them resubmit the prescription again.

One week later, I looked online at the status and found it was cancelled again! A bit later, I got a voicemail message saying that I needed to call to find out what was going on. I reached out to the insurance company and was told that the dosage was too high and that they wouldn't approve it.

I was extremely displeased. Why was I being told there was an issue, if there was nothing on my part that I could do to resolve it? Why were they calling me instead of reaching out to my doctor directly? I was then told that there was an appeal process, but that it would have to come from my doctor.

So I contacted my physician once again and asked them for help.

That was two weeks ago. Not only did they submit the appeal, but they asked for a rush processing on it because I was quickly running out of my medication.

Flash forward to today. I have tried to stretch the remaining pills from my last prescription for as long as possible and would very likely be alright if not for the added stressors of this weekend.

By stretching out the time between taking my pills a bit, I can usually keep the withdrawal symptoms to a minimum. Mostly my dreams become very vivid and bizarre. I've had to do this before because it was much better and easier than going into full on withdrawal which is a situation I found myself in a couple years back.

So Friday night, I found a bat in my home after my nap. Between the cat and I, it's a very real possibility that we've come into contact with the animal as it was found on the floor near enough to where I was sleeping. Because my system is in this semi withdrawal stage, you could injure me while I was asleep and it may or may not wake me. If it did, it's very possible, that I would chalk the experience up to part of a dream and return to slumbering.

So here's the situation, I've now got possible rabies exposure and a live bat. I'm able to capture it into a container and I start trying to find out what my next steps are.

Since the three year old cat I adopted in April is very energetic, it's possible he too has been exposed. I need to find out when his rabies vaccination took place. I dig into the paperwork that my ex brought from her friend in May. Uh oh, there's an unused voucher for a rabies vaccination and a note in the adoption agreement that the adopter will take him within 10 days to a vet for a vaccination. This isn't good.

Saturday morning, I take him and the bat to the vet. There, I'm told during the $50 visit that the office won't send the bat off to be tested, I need to contact the department of health. The also tell me that there's no way for them to give the cat a vaccination if he's been exposed. So I've basically gone in, spent money and been given a printout of the same information I've already looked at online.

The remainder of my morning is spent calling around to various places trying to find out what I'm supposed to do. Finally I call the local animal shelter and get animal control to come out and take the bat. They're not sure what the process is for me or my cat, but they will at least take care of the bat.

I've left a message with the department of health because they don't have any sort of emergency service line except to say to call 911 or go to the emergency room. Digging further on their website, I find that if I go to the doctor, they'll have to report to the department of health the next business day as well.

So it looks like my health and that of my cat is now in the hands of whoever is responsible at the department of health. I'm going to save myself the expensive ER copay and wait until Monday. Someone should be contacting me at that time, but nobody seems really sure what's going to happen.

I spend the next several hours digging into what all this means. Here's the conclusions I've been able to make.

• The bat has to be tested. This involves euthanizing the animal and sending it to the state to be examined. There's a specific process for this. The tissue has to be fresh enough that it can be tested. Here's hoping the bat survives the rest of the weekend.
• I probably have to start a rabies post exposure regimen of shots
• My cat will have to be placed into quarantine
• I then have to wait on the results of the rabies test for the bat
• A positive test will mean that my cat will remain in quarantine for the next 180 days with no human or other animal contact. (This is the most stressful part of the whole thing for me as it will have to be at my expense and should he start to show symptoms, I'll have to have him euthanized)
• I have no idea what happens if the test is negative on the bat, likely I'll have to have him vaccinated and risk being fined for not having done so sooner. 
• There's nobody beyond the department of health that knows what the process really looks like

My plans for this weekend were to get my oldest two children's final pieces of clothing in order for the trek this coming weekend. I have one stocking, 2 skirts, an apron, a bonnet, a dozen or so buttons and 2 pairs of pants in need of hemming.

Until I have things in a better position with the cat, I don't really want him around the kids. He's very energetic and has a tendency to play a bit rough. Could he scratch or nip at the kids? Yes. Do I want them exposed as well? NO!

So here's all the stuff going on now:

• I can't fit the skirts or finalize the placement of the buttons until after Monday. I don't know when or how I'm going to get all the clothing done.
• I had to cancel all my meetings on Monday, so I can be available for the DoH.
• I'm terrified of what a 6 month quarantine will do to my cat.
• I'm not thrilled about the expenses I'm about to encounter in dealing with all this. As the typical cost of quarantining an animal at the shelter is $30 for day 1 and $10 each subsequent day. ($1820 for 180 days)
• I heard that mid-August I may have to take my kids for 2 full months while my ex does some out of state training.
• My fiance is supposed to be coming out for a visit mid-September
• I'm facing a series of shots that will likely leave me ineligible to finish the blood donor study I started in May and completely ineligible to donate for over a year.
• I face fines and penalties for the inaction of the cat's previous owner
• I don't want to euthanize another animal. It's been less than 6 months since I lost Mu.
• I feel so badly for the bat. Its done nothing but somehow get into my home, but is to be euthanized.
• My insurance company won't give me the full dosage of the medicine that helps me deal with anxiety and depression
• I am feeling overwhelmed and this is leading to physical manifestations in the form of general disease

I've dealt with more. I've dealt with much harder things. The problem is, that right now, I'm in an already emotionally disoriented state due to the medication.

There's only one party responsible for putting me in this place. That's Aetna.

Today, after 16 years, I had to put my buddy down. I was a complete mess at the vet and had 2 of my daughters with me. I suspected the worst because for days he hadn't been eating, staggering around and crying. All day long he was super lethargic and wouldn't even cuddle on my lap.

His story started when my ex and I were first married. We were just getting our first apartment set up when we found out that my dad was looking for people to take some kittens. My dad had been caring for one of the strays at his auto repair and the mama decided to have her litter in the back of one of the broken down cars.

After delivering her babies, she was rounded up and taken to be spayed, while the "old man who hates cats" proceeded to find homes for all the kits. We were smitten by the beautiful blue eyes shared by one boy and his sister and took them in, despite a no pet policy at our little studio apartment.

It was only a matter of months before we both felt badly about living there and rather than renew our initial lease, we sought a pet friendly home. We moved a bit further south and found a nice 2 bedroom where we could also have a room for our first daughter. There we had a pretty nice setup including a very large closet that served as a nice place to keep the litter out of sight. This whole time, neither of us could figure out what to call these two bundles of energy. It was just him and her.

We were a happy little family until we decided that we needed something a bit larger. We were soon moving onto baby number 3 and both wanted a house. Stupidly, we made the mistake of purchasing a doublewide in a trailer park with a no-cat policy. :(

We were very upset and wound up placing the cats with my sisters. They had a larger home and were able to take them in. It meant we still got to see them once in a while and we knew they were well cared for.

We went on with our lives thinking we were done with these two cats, only to find that when my sister and her husband wanted to find a place to live, they'd be doing so out of a motor home. Certainly not an ideal environment. They tried, but one night his sister got out and never came home.

We also decided to find someplace to settle down and purchased a home in Kentucky. Knowing we were going to be more stable, we decided to take him back. It would be good for us and better for him.

Unbeknownst to me, my sisters, had decided to give him a name. He had packed on the pounds and in homage to the Austin Powers movies, named him Fat Bastard. To the kids and everyone else, they said either Fat Boy or just FB.

This just wouldn't do and so we renamed him Mutah. A name that fit much better and was far cleaner. It also meant that we could just shorten it to Mu.

The car trip out East was a real adventure. We had purchased a harness to put him on as we traveled so that he could get out and walk a bit at the rest stops. He would ride with the kids in the old van, while I would drive the moving truck.

It was our first rest stop on the way to Spokane where we got out and tried the leash for the first time. Never having been really anywhere, the sensory overload was a bit much for Mu. He took into the deeper grass and started pulling at the leash.

I attempted to reign him in and he flipped in the air, twisting right out of the harness. I was able grab hold of him, but he lashed out with claws and teeth, leaving my right arm a mass of scratches and puncture wounds.

I was so upset that when he bolted into the fields around the rest area, I figured it was good riddance.

It was only a short while later that someone backed up the freeway entrance ramp to ask us if we had a cat. He had run through the fields and was waiting at the edge of the road.

The ex loaded up and went to retrieve him. To the great relief of the family.

We figured we couldn't risk another getaway so kept him in the car until we got to Spokane and could purchase a cat carrier.

While doing so, someone mentioned that children's benadryl had a sedative affect on cats. I'm ashamed to admit that we were so frustrated and afraid of how he was handling things, we tried it. He proceeded to drool and bubble red foam for hours all over the white carpets of my ex sister-in-law's home.

Spokane was our last stop inside a building for the rest of the move. We drove across the country stopping at camp areas and pitching a tent. Each night, we pulled him out of the van and loaded him into the tent with us. We constantly worried about anyone opening the tent door and having him run off.

Happily, we didn't have any more issues, he figured out a cozy spot in the van and survived the trip.

Settling into Kentucky proved a challenge for the old boy. Not only did he have more kids to deal with than ever before, that first Christmas, the wife and kids decided I needed a dog. The 18 month old black lab was more animal than he'd ever dealt with before. During that period, his home was our bedroom and his safe spot as far back as possible under our bed.

The dog proved incompatible with the ex and she returned him one day while I was at work. Much to Mu's relief, as he started to finally come out and explore.

Thinking that the home was still missing a pet, the family adopted another cat. She didn't adapt well and Mu, declawed as a baby, couldn't really defend himself. The two never formed any sort of bond and he continued to struggle.

One birthday, I came home to a pair of kittens in the home as well. These two would eventually stay with Mu and I for a while, but ultimately prove too much an emotional and financial strain on me.

It was during all this that I started missing the signs that my "happy home" wasn't so. Divorce soon followed and I took Mu with me for company.

We found a great apartment where he and I would spend his remaining years. For a few months, we tried to have the other two boys here, but it was too much of a toll on me. I was struggling emotionally and my financial resources were strained with my new living arrangement. I had to let them go, but couldn't put him out to pasture.

He grew to be my best bud. I know they don't see us the same, but I think in his eyes, I was just a bigger cat that was okay to be around. He'd greet me at the door each evening, snuggle on the back of my legs, follow me around as I did my chores and chat with me in the mornings as I got ready for work.

I don't know what I would have done had he not been a part of my life. I am so thankful for Mutah. To be honest, I'm a bit scared because tomorrow night will be the first time in a long time that my apartment is completely empty when I get home.

For the better part of 16 years he's been in my family. When his kidney's started to go he hid it so well that we didn't pick up on it until it was too late. Even now the tears haven't stopped. I'm going to miss him so much. I loved that cat.